Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Scott Boys Are Back!

The party is over! My three sons have been in New Jersey for six weeks giving hell to their grandparents. LMAO! Now they understand what I go through. It was a well needed break that I felt was well deserved. For six weeks I didn't have to yell, curse, threat, punish, discipline, pinch, pluck or give that look to any of my kids. You know that look. The look that says, "What the fuck is the matter with you?" But I did miss them after the second week. It felt strange after a while walking past bedrooms with nobody fighting in them or calling each other dummy or stupid followed by the tattle telling of somebody hitting somebody, plus clothes and toys scattered about the floor for their mother to pick up. What?
For the record, let me say this: "I'm not a cigarette addicted, alcoholic parent." But I understand how one could easily become that way. Kids drive you to means of escapism. I used to judge parents that smoked weed around their children. Now I understand. Parents that smoke weed around their children do it to not influence them to one day participate in the smokey madness but they do it in hopes that the child will catch a contact and sit their little punk ass down somewhere and chill out. Stop all this asking questions and moving about so much. Come and get some of this second hand reefa'!
While they were away my mom called me and spoke about how much they ate. I'm like, "Uuuhhh....yeah?" Listen, my kids are like goats. They know not the content of what they eat, nor do they care. They just sit down at the table and destroy. I think one of them has like four fingers on his right hand because he got so carried away with eating one day that he just went on and decided to eat his thumb. Like it was a Vienna sausage link or something.
So we pick up the kids after their month and a half grandparents retreat and the first thing I look at is their hair. I'm also a barber for those that don't know me personally and these three boys have never went past a week without having a hair cut. While they were with the grandparents they didn't get a hair cut the whole time. Do you remember in Jumanji when the little boy started becoming a monkey boy? That's what they looked like! Their hairlines had grown into their eyebrows and they had furry wide sideburns that looked like teen aged mustaches growing down the sides of their faces. And their neck lines were growing into the fuzzy little back hairs that they have. It was almost as if my sons had transformed into the Berenstain Bears!
Well thank God they're back. I can now resume to to my stress, thin patients and slight loss of voice. They said they had a great time and that they can't wait to go back next summer. Hell, I'm trying to figure out how I can get their asses up there during the school year for winter break!

Next Time....

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